My needs have been suppressed for so long, I was surprised to learn what they truly were when I started to take the time to unearth them. In the past few years, I’ve been trying to regain my equilibrium…rediscovering what sparks happiness and identifying the things that put me in a negative headspace. In Matthew 6:8, we are told that the Lord knows what we need before we ask, yet, in the following verses, we are encouraged to pray the Lord’s prayer. In this prayer, we are shown how to ask for provision (daily bread), forgiveness (and the ability to forgive), and protection (deliverance from evil). I find it interesting that we are shown how to verbalize our needs to an all-knowing God. How much more should we verbalize them to mere mortals?

It’s illogical to get upset when people don’t meet unspoken expectations, but these expectations are often unspoken because they are unknown. Lately, I’ve been asking myself what I truly need from the people closet to me. I’ve found that I need different things from different people. I need some people to be vulnerable, because I need to be able to be vulnerable with them. I need some people to be consistent, because I expect them to be in my life for the long-term, and that level of consistency brings a sense of calm. I need other people to be a soft place for me to land when I feel beat up by the world.

Our needs will always outweigh our wants. When our needs aren’t met, we are truly experiencing a level of deficiency. In a deficient state, we grow sickly and weak. We can also grow resentful, when we are consistently disappointed. A “want” may enhance our experiences, but it’s not really necessary. I may want a million dollars, but I need to know that my emergency fund is fully stocked. I may want to try new things from time to time, but I need to maintain certain healthy habits. I may want to have a partner that makes me laugh, but what I really need is a partner that provides me with a sense of safety and security.

When we know what we need, we can cultivate an atmosphere in which we are most likely to grow and flourish. This is not only for our own benefit, but it helps those around us. I think that those who love us, will make a true effort to meet our needs. And when our needs are met, we have the capacity to meet others’ needs. It’s one of those “can’t pour from an empty cup” situations. Verbalizing needs may seem like a sense of entitlement, but I believe that it’s just as important as self care and setting boundaries. When needs aren’t met, pain and disappointment ensue.

Of course, it’s very possible that someone cannot meet one or several of your needs. That’s okay. You are well within your right to reshuffle their position in the deck of cards. Verbalizing needs is just as important as releasing people of expectations that they can’t or won’t meet.