I left home (a small Caribbean island that isn’t shown on most maps) at 16 to attend college (in Europe), and I’ve spent the past 14 years mastering the art of doing things alone. I’ve moved several times by myself, sometimes having to carry my belongings from city to city in suitcases (Yes, it took several train rides). And when I wasn’t able to do things completely alone, I learned that I needed to have enough money to pay someone else to do it for me.

I vividly remember the day I stopped expecting anyone to help me. I was getting a shopping cart at the grocery store, when I noticed that the carts were locked to one another. You could unlock the cart by inserting a 50-cent coin. I wasn’t used this system, so I scrambled to find loose change in my purse. As I was searching, I noticed an arm that extended over my shoulder and placed a coin into the slot of the cart I was holding on to. I turned around and started to thank the kind stranger, but I was interrupted by these words, “This is my cart. You just need to move out of the way.” Instead of being upset with the guy, I was actually embarrassed that I had made the naive assumption that he was helping me. I quickly moved aside so he could take his cart. I felt like a total idiot.

I told myself that the only people that I could expect help from was my family, but they were thousands of miles away. Therefore, I had to learn to be self reliant. If I needed something, I would find a way to get it on my own or I would do without. This method worked for a really long time, 10 years to be exact, until my burnout in 2018. This led to several conversations (with a pastor, coach, psychologist, and a few trusted friends) that caused me to realize that my approach wasn’t realistic.

I still struggle with asking for help. I don’t want to be a bother to anyone. Everyone has their own things to worry about. Why should I add to their to-do list? Instead of asking for help, I try to be more open to receiving it when others offer. This is my way of slowing training that muscle. I’ve come to realize that the people who offer to help me seem to get joy out of it. So, it’s actually a win-win situation. Galatians 6:2 not only encourages us to help one another, but it says that this is how we fulfill the law. In Exodus 17 we read that in order for the Israelites to defeat the Amalekites, Moses needed to keep his hands raised. When Moses’ arms got tired, Aaron and Hur literally stood on either side and held up his arms.

Imagine how many people would have died if Moses had refused help?

I recently found myself falling into bad habits. It was my birthday, and I had a few guests coming over. I decided that I had to make everything perfect. I don’t think I sat still from the moment I woke up that morning. By the time the guests arrived, I just wanted to crawl back into bed. I was about to vow that I would just go out to eat next year, when I realized there was a better alternative: Next year, I could just ask for help.